Kali’s Story

image_pdfimage_print

Admin’s note: This is the testimony of my fiance, Kali. She is also former UPC, and we actually met through this Web site. God truly does work in mysterious ways!

Preface: This is my testimony. I am a completely fulfilled and God-loving individual who has found so much joy after leaving the UPC. It has been a tough journey but I am thankful for the pastors (in the UPC) I had and still admire them and have no hard feelings towards them. I believe they are wonderful people. I also believe people in the UPC are saved and have a truly wonderful relationship with God. I ask that you read this testimony and find either hope or understanding in what I have gone through. This is my personal life story and I hope it speaks to those who are seeking to renew their faith or identify with someone who has been through something similar. (That is what I needed more than anything when I left. I needed to know others felt or had felt the way I did.) I pray you never lose sight of God and what He has in store for you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you. You are His child forever.

My story with the UPC lasted about four years. But before we get to that let me give you some back story about me. My name is Kali Rasmussen. I was born and raised in Renton, WA, by my wonderful mother Lisa Rasmussen. She supported our family by living out her passion of painting beautiful pictures of animals. (designsbylisa.com) My family was not your conventional family. (Take that back, pretty conventional, with 50% + parents divorcing these days). Anywho, my parents divorced when I was about 3. My younger brother and I had mediated visits with my father up until I was about 6. I told my mother I no longer wanted to have the visits because they caused me a great amount of stress. I think this was one of the best decisions I made in my younger years. Now my dad, my brother and I have dinner on occasion and have a good relationship. I am happy to say everything worked out, but obviously it took time.

My mom remarried when I was seven to a man I thought was the best thing since sliced bread. Turns out the illusion he portrayed was just that and about 2 months into their marriage it all crumbled. I was in shock at the kind of man he was and the kind of strain he put on my family. My mom eventually divorced him when I was about 16.

Now a little bit more about me. I had to grow up quickly, like any oldest child in a divorce. I was the adult my mom leaned on, the one who relayed messages, the one who told the truth, the one who lied, the one who protected her younger brother, the one who tried to make things go as smoothly as possible. I’m no martyr but I sure as heck can identify with children of divorce. It is tough and heartbreaking, but most importantly it made me the strong God loving person I am today. I consider it a testimony to how God works in mysterious ways. I was an outgoing and energetic child. I played sports, had friends, and did really well in school despite all the hardships in my family life. (I thank my mom and grandma for this. They kept me positive and supported me.) Hated math though, loathed it!

I stayed extremely busy when I was able to get a job, get a car and participate in EVERY extracurricular activity possible in high school. I did this to avoid my home life. Looking back it was those positive decisions to do something with my time that kept me out of trouble. I always tell my mom that my brother and I could have made a turn for the worst but we didn’t because of how much she loved us and how proud she was of us. We used our time to our advantage and always strived to make ourselves better.

And onto where this story collides with the UPC. Here we go! I was raised Catholic but didn’t practice much except Easter and Christmas. You know those crazy C&E Christians. (I think there is nothing wrong with them, just a little humor) On weekends when I was with my grandmother when I was very young she took my brother and I to mass and I played with that thing that you kneel on to pray. I was always bored out of my mind. My mom took us to a non-denominational church through elementary school off and on. Eventually we stopped going. In high school I visited friends’ youth group meetings during the week but never really got involved. I have always believed in God. I even read the Bible cover to cover a few times in my middle school and high school years. I read Christian books and always considered myself a good Christian. I never really thought I had to be defined by a church. God knew my heart and that was the most important thing to me.

Here is the low down. When I was 16 my mom was going through her second divorce, which I was thankful for, but it caused a great amount of stress. My step-dad was controlling, manipulative, emotionally and verbally abusive. I never wanted to be home. Instead, I worked, was on the drill team, was in a business club and was getting A’s on top of that. One day I was approached by a classmate to get some help with an assignment in history class. He proceeded to ask me to church and eventually I went and we began dating. As you can guess it was a UPC church and I cried my eyes on the first service and thought every song and everything the pastor said was straight to me. I was hooked. I was in an extremely vulnerable state, with my home life in chaos and living a busy, busy life. Church was one more thing that I could throw myself into, so I did. I was in the choir and I went to prayer at every service. I felt so connected and loved by everyone there. I didn’t want to ever leave. I was getting support and appreciation. I felt so satisfied with all the attention I got and I loved when people would tell me: “Good for you coming to God and being saved even without your family. Just keep praying your family will eventually be ‘saved’ too.” Thank the Lord God almighty this never came to pass. I was in the UPC for four years and I prayed for my family daily thinking they were going to hell. Even though I knew they were Christians and loved God, they weren’t saved like “the rest of us.” They didn’t have what I had.

After high school I went off to college at Western Washington University. This was another God intervention because I prayed to hard to get into University of Washington to be close to my boyfriend and still be able to attend church. After I went to college we broke up and I attended a home mission church 30 minutes away from my campus. I attended every Tuesday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night. I even attended an all night prayer one time. I was still devoted to God and all the UPC stood for. Even though it took a great deal of time away from school and caused me great amounts of stress I did it all for the ‘love’ of the Lord.

I left that church 30 minutes away when I started to question doctrine. I also started to step back and figure out why I was feeling so depressed and miserable. I talked to my pastor back home and explained my need for a new church. Every sermon was so negative and made me feel like a filthy sinner when I wasn’t. I left the church in peace but was told that “it may not be the church that has a problem, just you.” I drove home in tears and for the next few weeks couldn’t muster up the courage to try another church. Eventually I decided to go to an independent apostolic church which again was a home missions church. I enjoyed it but started noticing the same trends. I felt my confidence slowly ripping away the longer I stayed in the UPC and I stayed until it was completely gone. Down to the core I wanted so badly to please God and live up to all the expectations of being a girl in the UPC that people looked up to. I wanted to meet that mark of what they expected when they put every single women on a pedestal. I wanted to be perfect in their eyes, in my pastor’s eyes, his family, the congregation, my friends outside of church. This was so demanding it sent my into a severe depression and I started questioning everything. That’s when I left. I was in my Junior year of college. I had just declared my major in Human Services, hoping to live out a dream of helping others in a field of social work. I started my first course and was asked to expose who I was. This is where everything changed and I found that I was not who I wanted to be. I was miserable. Much of my misery came from being in the UPC. I felt I couldn’t measure up. I didn’t have family in the UPC, I didn’t have close friends around me, I didn’t have anyone to turn to, and I found no solid foundation in many of the “key” scriptures in the UPC. I wanted to be Christ-like and love people but instead I found myself judging and condemning people for not being like me. I was sick of myself and the person I had become. I left.

For a month I was a wreck. I had left my identity with the UPC and had now nothing to stand on except the faith that God was still with me no matter what. I started praying more and seeking clarity in scripture. I wrote letters to God in a journal everyday to help me find closure after leaving. It was one of the toughest months of my life. After that I started visiting various churches and learning about how others loved God and those around them. It was eye opening and painful too. I normally came home crying, feeling like I was still missing the mark. Old feelings would bubble up quickly of things I felt in the UPC. The urge to cry uncontrollably at music and the sermon. I am still so thankful for a close friend who went to different services with me. We were accountable to each other about going to a new church each Sunday. It was an amazing experience and I wouldn’t trade it.

Today, I am now a happy 22 year old woman majoring in Human Services and graduating this Spring. God brought me together with my future husband, Joshua Spiers. Which I prayed about by the way when I was in the UPC. Overall I am doing wonderfully. We are now members of a church in Kirkland, WA, and happy as can be. God really did a number on me. We will be posting our sweet love story soon. (I bet some of you can guess how it went!) lol

Please, please don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail at kalirasmussen@yahoo.com with any questions you have. I am going to try to keep up on posting on here on some issues that I feel really impact women after they leave the UPC. I pray daily for those looking for clarity after leaving the UPC.

Thank you for reading my testimony!

17 thoughts on “Kali’s Story

  1. ELAINE R. CARR

    why when i give my testimony it is not regarded …ive entered 3 now & 2 are not accepted ?this is my third time. gbu all… i believe in baptism in Jesus’ one full loving,saving holy blood-line family name of THE ONE LORD JESUS CHRIST,,,WHO IS LORD OF LORDS & KING OF KINGS. 1THES.5:9,10,11,23,28. GBU ALL elaine…

    1. Josh (Site Admin) Post author

      Elaine,

      The reason I haven’t passed your testimonies out of moderation is because they’re quite hard to read. There’s a general lack of correct punctuation, frequent use of short hand that many non-native English speakers might not understand (like “GBU” in place of “God bless you”), and about half of your posts are written in caps. I enjoyed reading the portions of your testimonies that I could understand but I was only able to understand about half of it. At the end I wasn’t sure exactly what you were trying to say. If I can’t understand it then I have to assume that others can’t understand it either :)

      Many of the older articles on this site have hundreds of comments so it’s important to only let comments through that are readable and well written. Please feel free to re-write your testimony and I’ll be happy to pass it out of moderation. Again, though, it needs to be well-written. Please make an effort to use proper punctuation and avoid excessive use of caps.

      In Christ,
      Josh

  2. Dalton

    Honestly I do not think the problem is the UPC. I think it is more of a church to church problem. I agree that there are churches in the UPCI that do condemn and make people feel like what you are describing, and they are missing it. I believe it is that way with any organization. But I go to a church where everyone is accepted, and everyone is loved. My Pastor preaches the Love of God and the Fear of God. I am blessed to be apart of the UPC and the Church that I attend. I hope that not everyone will have a bad taste in their mouth about the UPC because some churches are making a bad example. There are many churches that Preach the Love of God, and not Condemnation. I Love the UPC!

  3. Brandon

    I want to tell anyone still in the Pentecostal movement and seeking the Holy Ghost to just keep living for God and obeying His Word. The promise in Acts 2 is to everyone. I have not seen God abandon anyone in this movement, and we will not abandon what we believe. In response to the article, I think that the problem very well could have been you, and I say that not in condemnation but in a desire to see you saved. That is how we are to love, with a knowledge that there is only one way to get to Heaven and that is to obey the Word.

  4. Beth Wyant

    Dianne,
    Wow! Your testimony really hit home because I have also suffered with seizures for years and it was when I had my first grand mal and had a wreck with kids in the car that things really began fitting together for me spiritually. The part that I told about looking out the window and seeing a cross happened at that time. So sorry for all you’ve gone through, but so glad that your test brought you such a wonderful testimony.

  5. Dianne

    As I have read the postings on this page, I have come to appreciate, more than ever, what God has done for me. Reading Beth’s posting hit home the most, but I appreciate all the postings. I will try to put into writing my story.

    I grew up in the Apostolic faith where I was always afraid and condemned all that didn’t believe like I did. I was molested as a little girl by someone whom I have completely forgiven. But, because of the constant condemnation from the platform at church I was too scared to ever talk to anyone about it. And because of the constant torment, Satan took advantage of the fear and it cause mental health issues. They diagnosed me with complex partial seizures and found a tumor in my part of the brain where memory is kept nine years ago. I was okay with my health then because I could still drive and do the things I wanted to. I have a precious husband who has been with me through it all. I know he was an answer to prayers when me married almost 15 years ago. Thankfully, I told him then about my issues of being molested. He has been what I needed throughout the times.

    But, my health only got worse after I had our second child 8 years ago. I haven’t been able to drive for over 5 years and woke up many times in a hospital having no idea how I got there due to a grand mal or tonic clonic seizure. I began praying for healing but doubt, fear, and anxiety overwhelmed me on a constant basis. There were times I couldn’t even keep up with being at home due to how out-of-it I was.

    We were still going to an independent Apostolic church up until 2 years ago where I use to sing solos in choir. The songs I sang as a soloist mean more to me now than they ever did when I sang them. And I believe that is why I was able to sing those few songs that I did. One was “Trust in the Lord” and the other vital one was “He is Working for Our Good.” It was at my father’s funeral 3 years ago after a sudden death that I had my first major wake up call. My oldest brother came to see us and I saw his wife and daughters with their hair cut and was shocked. As we spoke, I knew he had changed in a way that was amazingly good. It got me realizing that there really could me more than what we had been taught all our lives. It was scary at first but time has shown me things I never could have understood before. And God’s timing has been beautiful.

    The most precious being His true love and the Lord as my Shepard guiding our lives like never before. My love for my pastors is there like it never was before even though they have never tried to call us since we left the church. He has also worked amazing miracles in my families lives. One being my health has progressively improved without the help of any more medicine in the past year. The other is a testimony I cherish like never before.

    A year ago in October, my then 7 year old, we realized, had a strange bulge on her stomach. It didn’t hurt her but was very strange to look at when she laid down. The toughest thing about getting this looked at was that we had no insurance. We had a ton of bills from my hospital visits and struggling financially. We prayed about it and decided when our children were out for a school break we would bring her to a Ronald McDonald mobile health unit to get it looked at. That week before we brought her to get checked I ended up in the hospital again due to a tonic clonic seizure so things were getting very tough. They immediately told us to go straight to Children’s Hospital where they discovered a huge tumor in her abdomen. We immediately had people everywhere praying and I received a peace that passed understanding. The next day surgery was done and after hours of waiting we were told all was good. She was back at school a week later! And because of my bills, one being $29,000 and the other being $42,000, her bill went from $49,000 to $25.00. My bills also dropped to $600 and $4,200 without us asking.

    God then gave my husband a new job that next month with the benefits we needed and has guided us in His Spirit throughout the past year. I will keep believing for my health to be completely made whole as I am reminded of a fortune cookie message I got about 5 years ago. It said, “Everyone wants a testimony, But no one wants a test.” My God is an awesome God!!!!

  6. Beth Wyant

    What a wonderful site! Wish I’d had something like this when I left the UPC 20 years ago! Thanks for your sweet and loving spirit. I have no time for bitter, angry rantings of former UPCers and I was tickled to see your views expressed in a loving and caring way. Hope you don’t mind if I share my personal story. I feel like God gave me a testimony and I’m supposed to share it appropriately. This seems like the perfect place.

    My Faith Story
    I am a sinner saved by grace. The whole concept never ceases to amaze me. And I’ve been called to present the simple gospel message to you. Just so you know, I’m probably the least qualified person ever. I can’t even speak without getting tongue-tied most of the time. But God has shown me in His word and in His gentle nudging that I must share the greatest message ever told to all that will listen. If I can’t speak it properly…I pray that I can use the written word and that it will be effective. As Paul said in the book of Ephesians, “so here I am, preaching and writing about things that are way over my head, the inexhaustible riches and generosity of Christ. This is my life’s work…helping people understand and respond to this message. It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details.”

    My testimony is not one of heartache and suffering and any reference to my former church is not intended to bash or criticize. I consider all of my experiences blessings and now understand that God used each and every detail to give me a unique ministry to help further His kingdom.

    I had an ideal childhood. My parents were like June and Ward Cleaver, only better. My sister looked like Marsha Brady but was kind and sweet, to boot. Blessings abounded. I grew up in a denomination known for their holiness standards and their unique interpretation of how scripture tells us to be saved. Church was fun and never boring and many precious people loved and cared for me there. My childhood and teenage years were filled with top-notch Christian music, fiery preaching and warm fellowship. I’ve yet to encounter any other denomination that quite compares. I’m grateful for those precious years and especially grateful for a Godly mother who showed me who Jesus was through her words and actions.

    Regrettably, there were several things required to become a Christian in my denomination. I was able to fill all of those requirements except one. It was necessary to speak in tongues as proof that the Holy Spirit was truly dwelling in you. Without the evidence of tongues, you were not saved. My, how I tried to speak in tongues! I begged and pleaded with God for years. I gave Him everything I had and repented of known and unknown sin. I gave up begging and just asked Him to fill me if it was His will. I remember how I dreaded the first service of the morning at church camp. The preacher would ask those who still didn’t have the Holy Ghost to stand up. I’d often be the only one standing and the only one not going to heaven. Not only was this humiliating…there was no way to escape hell for me and I became exceedingly fearful. Over the years, I finally learned to act as if I had spoken in tongues so that I could be left alone. But living a lie became harder and harder.

    As you might expect, I went on to college and became quite bitter towards a God that wouldn’t allow me in to heaven no matter how much I begged and pleaded. In fact, I couldn’t even believe in such a vindictive God any longer. I’d also decided I was too intelligent to believe. I was learning that the world was over-populated and man was destroying our great planet earth. I discovered that Jesus was just one path to God and whatever your personal preference was quite alright. Why not just worship the sun or the moon if we wanted? Who was I to judge? Everything was relative. I declared myself a liberal and made it my mission not to stand in anyones way of what they believed to be right or wrong.

    But God had other plans for my life that I was not aware of at the time. I eventually married and had kids and would ocassionally attend church services with them because it seemed the right thing to do. It was during this time that a young boy opened fire on a prayer group in a high school in my hometown. I’ll never forget that fateful day. He killed three young girls and paralyzed another. It was immediately apparent to me that these girls died as martyrs for God. As if God was sending a message to me directly, I knew that these girls were in heaven even as I ached for their families and the family of the shooter. Although I had been attending church, I had been unable to understand the gospel message through all my confusion. I remember the Sunday after the tragedy and the preacher speaking of grace. Suddenly, it made perfect sense! The victims of this senseless tragedy were in the arms of the Father and they knew nothing of the doctrine that teaches we must speak in tongues before we can be saved. These girls were in heaven because they had placed their faith in God and not in their own righteousness. Nothing they could do by themselves and no list of rules could ever be checked off perfectly enough to please God. Our righteousness is as filthy rags to Him. But Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected. His blood paid the price for these girls and for me also. Until this time, the message of the cross was just a sad story and I’d cry at how Jesus suffered but the gospel message was lost on me. In an instant, the cross and His amazing grace became the central focus of my life. I picked up a Bible and began reading it as if for the first time. I’d been programmed to read scripture in light of my church’s interpretation of how we were supposed to be saved but now scripture was crystal clear and the gospel message was revealed to me over and over. It was not difficult to understand or burdensome. I began to read a verse I knew by heart but had never really understood. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 Could this verse actually mean what it said?

    Jesus said, “He who believes in me will live, even though He dies.” John 11:25 He tells us, ” I have come into the world as a light so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.” John 12:46 In the book of Romans, Paul tell us “since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity, He put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where He always wanted us to be. And He did it by means of Jesus Christ.”

    It was at this time that I gave my life to God and knew that I had crossed over from death to life. I believed in Him and placed my faith in Him alone. His spirit was now within me and guiding my life. I remember a particular moment when I was very sick and looked out the window into the night as I was washing dishes. The moon had been transformed into a very large and beautiful cross. It seemed to be my own personal miracle. I wept aloud with thankfulness that He’d died on the cross and allowed me to understand and accept the simple message of grace. I could never be good enough, but He was good enough in my place.

    Is this where my story ends? Not at all…because as a sinner saved by grace, I was going to mess up. I’m ashamed to admit that I hurt my friends, husband and even my own children over and over by my sinful actions. I kept doing things I knew were not appropriate for someone who claimed to follow Christ. But Jesus never let go of me and continually gives me the desire to change my sinful ways and to be more like Him. He gently nudges me to change. He also allows me to experience hard times to show me that I must rely completely on Him and not in myself or in this world.

    It has recently dawned on me that our lives on this earth are but a drop of water and eternity is a vast ocean. When we die, it won’t matter who we knew or what material possessions we’ve amassed. It won’t even matter how nice we were. What will matter is what we’ve done for Christ. Did we share the message? Did we use our time on earth to help build His kingdom that will never end? God is offering a gift of eternal life to those who believe and trust in Him alone. My desire is that you will respond to His Message and accept His free gift. He desires that all will follow Him and wants no one to suffer in a place called hell. I can’t rest until I’ve shared this message with everyone who crossses my path. I’m empowered by the Holy Spirit. As Peter and John said in the book of Acts, “As for us, there’s no question-we can’t keep quiet about what we’ve seen and heard.” This gift of grace is for me and for you.

  7. Bill Fussell

    Let me first say that I am very happy to read of your experiences and your desire to know the word of God and to live in a manner that is pleasing to God regardless of the opinions and teachings of men. As Jesus told the Samaritan woman, the Father seeks people to worship him in spirit and truth (obviously my paraphrase). The problem I’ve found with the UPC is an attempt to mix SOME biblical truth (and wonderful truth it is, too) with 1900’s American culture. Many things taught in the UPC that are cultural are presented as if they are the word of God. There is an underlying current, that if one objects to the cultural teachings, that person must be a backslider. That person will then be ostracized. However, the search for Apostolic truth should continue in every area of the scripture, not just in salvation. Truth is true, even if it offends established Ministers and saints. BTW, I am an Apostolic and have been a general licensed minister for almost 20 years with the UPC (Texas and Wisconsin Districts). I have experienced the underlying current mentioned above over the last 7 years because I obeyed God when I grew out my full beard. My District Superintendent, Bro. Putnam has always been gracious, as was the pastor I sat under while inactive in pastoral ministry (5 years). I continued to participate in my Section and preached from time to time under the powerful anointing of the Holy Ghost. I was never asked to shave, but there were certain older ministers that treated me as a leper (one even looked like he was going to hit me). I bear them no hard feelings because change is very difficult for most people. Nevertheless, we ought to conform to the word of God rather than the teaching of men. The greatest part of being treated as a leper was that Jesus still wanted to spend time with me. Regardless of where you wonderful sisters go to church, make time every day to be with Jesus. He is the source of your strength and my strength and He will confirm His love for you over and over again. You aren’t perfect but that isn’t God’s standard. God asks you to walk after His Spirit, and when you do, you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh (e.g. All those BIBLICAL things the standard apostolic preacher preaches against). If you try to in your flesh to do the will of God you will constantly feel inadequate and depressed. That is not God’s intent. Make time to regularly be alone with Jesus and worship Him from the core of your soul and you will find the promised fruit of the spirit: love; joy; peace; etc. It’s like the difference between carrying a boat and riding in it.
    I recently moved to Sacramento, CA. I was recently voted in as a staff pastor in the UPC church. The Senior pastor asked me to shave so I asked Jesus about it. He permitted me to do so for unity’s sake. The reason that I remain in the UPC is that I have thus far found no place else where the Spirit moves so strongly. Therefore it is a good trade-off to tolerate our brothers’ and sisters’ weakness of faith to be in a place where God is moving. I hope that I will be able to influence a continuing search for apostolic truth that encompasses the whole of scripture, and not just the one’s our predecessors discovered at the turn of the century. If anyone is in the Sacramento area please contact me at Christian Evangelism Center. My name and number should be on the website. I would love to meet with likeminded apostolics. You may also reach me at b2kb21@gmail.com.

      1. Bill

        On the contrary, It is better to obey God rather than man. The excuse of “authority ” is often abused. If you feel threatened by your pastor, get another pastor! We follow our pastors leading only as he follows Christ. Read 3rd John. It describes such a Pastor and situation. Incidentally, my pastor did not ask me to shave as he didn’t consider it a big deal either.

  8. Dolores

    Thank you for your teachings. God has used you to answer questions I”ve had about every thing you wrote about. I have been in UPC church for 5 1/2 years and the past year I’ve had all kinds of questions. Like, where does it say that in the bible? My husband and I are looking for a church to attend these days. I have nothing against UPC, but when my husband and I were told our on line easel business was a gift from satan, because computers are evil, so we were using some thing evil for something good. That’s was enough. I love God and he loves me. I want my heart to be right with him. Please keep writing!!!! I love UPC, I have UPC friends, but we need a change.

    1. Bill

      Sorry to hear about that. It is hard for people to change. A computer is a tool. One can use it for evil and another can use it for good. Keep your heart and motive godly and the rest shouldn’t be a problem. A caveat to that is the person who cannot control what they do with it. If lack of discipline leads one to sin with the computer, better not to have it.

  9. Rachel

    I have recently converted to the UPC. There are so many things that I love about it. I feel closer to god than I ever have before. I feel that at the UPC church you can feel God’s presence more than any other church. I used to belong to the mainstream Christian church, and I was VERY skeptical upon converting. In fact it took me nearly a year to start abiding my the standards and considering myself a Pentecostal. It wasn’t until I received the holy ghost and started speaking in tongues that I truly believed. An evangelist approached me by name at the alter, and knew things about me that I had never told anyone. He knew things about my past in detail. I was amazed! I knew then that it was real.

    Being a part of the UPC changes your life…. Your friends, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you act, even your plans for the future. I too would have to agree that sometimes I do feel like I’ll never be enough. Like no matter how hard I try I’m not good enough. Everytime I pray through I feel joy, but also fear because I’m like … Ok… I can’t mess up I have to be perfect and do everything right in order to please God. I realize that’s not true but it’s how I constantly feel. I would also agree that the majority of Pentecostal messages are negative… I rarely hear an encouraging message that says something a long the lines of.. God loves you so much! It’s more of do this or you’re going to Hell. That is probably the ONE thing I miss about the Christian church. Is feeling that LOVE of God. I’m thankful for the standards of the UPC. I feel like even if you are unsure about all of the doctrines, it is better to do more for God than less. Even if you feel something is unneccesarry, I feel that you can never do too much for God.

    I’m sorry this comment was so incredibly random, lol….. I was just kind of babbling on about things that often cross my mind. I loved hearing your story! Although I am Pentecostal, I am very open minded and I actively read the bible and try to learn more. I admire you both for not trying to persuade people to leave the church, but only sharing your story.

  10. Mary

    Wow, I’m 22 and I have been going to a UPC church since my sophmore year of HS and sometimes I feel alot like you do.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *